Here are my high top picks that come in dapperQ sizes:

BIBIAN, $28, Aldo

VEENUS (Congac), $130, Steve Madden

El Vuelo Mid L, $75, Puma

MAXELL, $28, Aldo

Champion Oiled Canvas Hi, $30, Keds

What got you started with designing?

My mother is a designer and infused a love of fashion within me since I was a child, which I now express through my own company. I have been sewing and designing clothes for myself since I was very young and always loved creating unique looks. It is something I’ve loved my entire life and I’m very passionate about.

Kiara Graham wearing the Grinch Velvet Bowtie.

Why did you start Ambiance?

I started Ambiance Couture Bowties in 2010 to give people a bigger range in bowties. I found the selection and quality of bowties available were kind of boxed in, and sought out to do more with them.

Who is Ambiance for?

Our key demographic are fashionable women and men from about age 20-35. The ties are not gender specific and there is a custom option on the site to really go wild and put all sorts of colors/patterns/styles together.

Where can we find Ambiance Couture Bowties?

The company runs out of a Boutique in Long Island called Soforte which is located at 771 West Merrick Rd, Valley Stream.  Ambiance Couture also has an online store and a facebook. The company has also been featured in a few fashion and art shows.

Any advice on wearing bowties?

They look great with blazers and cardigans, and a well fitting dress shirt with a sharp collar.  It is all about a good pairing and color schemes.  I’ve always felt that bowties were an iconic piece of fashion.

Photo Credit
Top Right – Silki Harris, founder of Ambiance Couture Bowtie, sporting the Denim Selvage Bowtie. Photo by Marvin The Photog.

Deadline is February 12th and the winners are named on Valentine’s Day!

Little boys’ t-shirts with pictures of dragons riding on motorcycles: cute or trying too hard?

First let me say that dapperQ does not participate in any shaming or fashion policing. We do offer suggestions on how to pull off classics and trends successfully, but also celebrate individuality and tip our fedoras to those who color outside the lines.  Many feminine and masculine (and everywhere in between) trendsetting style icons break the rules, such as Lady Gaga, K.D. Lang, and Grace Jones.

Lady Gaga. Photo credit: PacificCoastNews.com

K.D. Lang. Photo credit: MSNBC.com

Grace Jones. Via Hapsicalblogspot.com

If you have the self-confidence and style to rock a Murray Hill-esque hot pink ruffled tuxedo shirt, then as they say “make it do what it do.”

From left to right: Murray Hill and Dirty Martini via NewYorkCool.com

My question to you, reader, is do you feel that you are trying too hard when you put on little boys’ t-shirts with pictures of dragons riding on motorcycles? If the answer is yes, then you probably are trying too hard. How we feel in our clothes impacts how we carry ourselves, which impacts how others perceive us. So, in addition to feeling as if you’re trying too hard, you run the risk of others perceiving you as if you’re trying too hard as well.

My own fashion journey has been a prime example of trying to fit a round peg into a square hole. I prefer to dress on the conservative side (think along the lines of J-Crew). However, much of New York’s queer nightlife scene is leaning toward hipster-chic fashion. I once dreaded showing up to some of these queer events because I felt that I looked like a news reporter in a sea of tattoos and leather. I started to add more hipster pieces to my wardrobe but, every time I wore them, I didn’t feel like myself and it showed. Now I embrace the fact that I’m sort of a fashion nonconformist in some queer circles, and I love it….and it shows!

“Hi! I’ve been reading your site a bit, and I’ve been really inspired by your fashion and courage. I’m a fairly femme lesbian, but I semi-frequently like wearing menswear, or meanswear-inspired clothing. (My girlfriend likes it too- she says it makes her happy to see me with the “girl in her boyfriend’s clothes” look even though she doesn’t dress all-masculine either.) A lot of what I read here though is about minimizing the feminine aspects of the body, and I like being a girl- a somewhat girly girl. Is it wrong to want to call myself dapper if half of my outfits include skirts (with chunky boots and an oversized jacket?) I just don’t want to step on anyone’s toes or be inauthentic- so many butch women and transpeople work through much harder stuff every day than me, and I don’t want to accidentally take something away from these amazing people’s courageous acts.”

Vogue’s 2010 Female Dandy. Photo Credit: Karl Lagerfeld

dapperQ is a visibility project that celebrates the inner and outer beauty of masculine-presenting people of all colors, shapes and sizes. dapperQ is an inclusive community; we welcome all of our queer and straight allies to join the conversation. The site is a much needed resource that serves to empower dapperQs to bravely explore and face challenges that are unique to their experiences.

I am half African-American and Italian-American, a woman, a lesbian, and a self-identified femme. I belong to a rich array of minority groups and minority groups within minority groups. This has been both a blessing and a curse. I get so much love and support from those who truly understand the value of building community based on shared experiences while simultaneously striving to address the diverse needs within that community. Unfortunately, I have also been asked to choose sides and have listened to many debates about “which group has it worse.” dapperQ is not interested in participating in the latter – we don’t keep score of what group faces the most obstacles.

As a femme contributor at dapperQ, I have been provided with a wonderful opportunity to learn about the dapperQ experience and the diversity that exists under that larger umbrella. At times, I have had to acknowledge my position of privilege. Yes, even a triple minority can have a position of privilege, in my case, being able to pass as “straight,” which has its own drawbacks. However, acknowledging my position of privilege does not take anything away from my experience, minimize my legitimacy, or make me any less deserving of human rights. It takes quite a bit of courage to walk proudly by a group of men on a subway platform who are hurling sexual obscenities at you, only to exit the train station and have a group of construction workers do the same thing to you on your way to work.

Singer Janelle Monae

While dapperQ is committed to serving a particular niche of readers who face unique challenges, we also stand in solidarity and are honored to have femme allies, such as you, dear dapper reader. We pay tribute to all of the dapper Marlene Dietrichs and Katharine Hepburns and other feminine trailblazers who paved the way to redefine gender normative fashion, and in doing so, redefine gender norms. I bolded dapper in the previous two sentences to emphasize that any style can be dapper if done right. And by “right,” I mean remaining true to yourself.

One of our greatest femme allies, Shannon Lynch, has her own dapper style with a femme twist that I think you’ll love. She scored this amazingly gorgeous vintage bow-tie at a shop in Montreal.

I love bow-ties, but I just don’t feel comfortable in them. If I wear ties, I generally go with a traditional necktie, such as the one I’m photographed in for our He Said/We Said series. Here’s another idea:

Photo Credit: Marie Clarie

I was also thrilled to see In-Style magazine’s recent “Black Tie with A Twist” editorial featuring this beautiful Alexis Bittar bow-tie necklace. Unfortunately, it flew off shelves and is now sold out, despite its exorbitant price.

Photo Credit: In-Style Magazine

Fashion blogger Femi Meaux was also inspired by Bittar’s necklace and did a DIY version of it on a dime.

Photo Credit: Breakfast at Fayme’s

Here’s Meaux’s step-by-step video:

With that, I think I’m going to head on over to a craft store to pick up some supplies for DIY dapper accessories. In the meantime, keep coming back my fellow dapperQ femme!

In this OccupyWallStreet world, it’s less about money than it ever was.  HOWEVER, quality isn’t cheap.  And if you are interested in supporting artists rather than “the man”, you may have to save your pennies to buy special pieces.

I’m saying you like I don’t mean me.  I do.  In 2011, I paid off all my credit cards and I’m committed to staying out of debt.  2012 will see me buying less.  I will be no longer buying pieces because they are a good deal or because shopping is a great way to overcome depression (temporarily.) I want to invest in pieces that will look as good ten years from now as they do today.    I want accessories that are as unique as I am.  And I want to direct my fashion dollars to budding entrepreneurs who share my values.

Since I live in Brooklyn, and since I founded dapperQ, I regularly meet designers whose work inspires me.  2012 will also see me sharing what they do with you.  I’m not going to censor myself with an inner voice that says “none of my readers would pay $180 for a pair of pants.”  I’m going to post what I see, what I love, and what I hope might inspire you.

My first amazing buy of the year?  A pair of four-season, bike to work pants from Outlier.  (Thanks Kurt and Jahn at Bklyn Dry Goods for turning me on to Outlier.)  They stretch with me but don’t feel stretchy.  They resistaned city schmutz and fit like a glove.  Crafted in NYC, I would recommend these garments to anyone. I’ve never felt anything like Outlier’s Liberated Wool Peacoat (shown right.)  I didn’t jump off a moving train but I could have.

Outlier Women's Daily Riding Pant $180

A few lines from Outlier’s philosophy describes why I’m so geeked about the company…

One well considered object can take the place of many cheaply made ones. We think the traditional fashion system is flawed and that it is possible to create higher quality garments at better prices by rethinking traditional cycles of development, production and distribution.

Businesses need money the same way humans need water. It is essential to function, but profit should never be the goal or reason a company exists. A healthy organization creates value that extends far beyond money and into all points of its operation; from suppliers to employees and from customers into communities.

In 2012, I’m committing to quality and craftsmanship.  Who wants to join me?

From left to right: Smith, Valastro and Wrede

The Learning Channel was re-airing an episode of Cake Boss, which originally premiered on October 3, 2011, in which the star of the show and owner of Carlo’s Bakery, Buddy Valastro, agreed to custom make a wedding cake for Dee Smith and Kate Wrede, one of the first lesbian couples to be legally married in New York after Gov. Andrew Cuomo legalized gay marriage.

Valastro recommends that the top of the cake be adorned with a sculpture of the lovebirds. When they explain that Wrede will be wearing and dress and Smith will be wearing a tux, he says “ok, then that’s how we’re going to sculpt you guys” without batting an eye and follows with “alright, I love it.”

While my Cake Boss accolades may be two months behind, it is never too late to share a resource with our dapperQ readers and to express appreciation to our allies.

Carlo’s Bakery
(of TLC’s Cake Boss)
95 Washington Street
Hoboken, NJ 07030
(201) 659-3671

All photos by Jacklyn Atlas

I found nothing. I should have known this, but July is actually quite late for trying to buy summer things, so I took to the Internet, searching though stores’ online collections. I viewed page after page of autumnal threads. Apparently, if I had started my shopping sooner, I could have had a linen suit custom made and shipped to me for a very reasonable price. (Good tip for next summer. Anyone getting engaged soon?) But it was far too late for that option now and I began to panic.

Panic shopping is not good. It is not fun and it rarely yields success. On my second trip out to actual stores, I found what I thought I was looking for, a natural-coloured (oatmeal, ecru, beige, whatevs) linen suit. “Hurrah!” I thought. “Success!” I tried it on and it looked horrible. The fit was terrible. The small was too small. The medium fit here but not there. The large was enormous. But not only that, the colour washed me out completely. Then I bent over to pick something up off the floor and when I stood up and looked in the mirror, I remembered the greatest drawback to linen. With that one move, the trousers had wrinkled in about 30 places. I looked like I had cat’s whiskers extending from my crotch. Hot. Back to panic mode.

I began looking in every window I passed. I stopped in a little boutique store. They were having a sale on their summer stock. I tried on a few pairs of trousers and was shocked to find a pair that looked good. Even the sales clerk seemed surprised at how well they fit. (I like to think her surprise was coupled with a sudden, inexplicable attraction to me, since I looked so hot in the trousers. This is how I embellish the world around me. It helps me navigate the drudgery.) Unfortunately, there was no matching vest, and because it was an end-of-season sale, I would not be able to return them if I couldn’t put an outfit together with them. I decided that they were good enough pants that even if they didn’t work for the wedding, I would certainly wear them on other occasions. So I got them. Slightly off-white, designer cotton trousers. The new plan was to find a brown vest.

Unexpectedly, I found a pair of great looking and incredibly cheap shoes at H&M. (Yes, I was also hunting for footwear.) They look like leather brogues in a gorgeous orangey-caramel colour. But they are not leather. I call them vegan and pretend that I made an ethical choice when I purchased them, trying not to think too much about the working conditions of the (hopefully adult) workers in China who made these shoes that cost hardly anything.

My outfit was definitely coming together. Tie, trousers, shoes. All I needed now was a pink shirt and a brown vest. And this is where things fell apart.

Up to this point in the building of my new wardrobe, I have been able to simply pick things up wherever and whenever I find something that fits my body, my budget, and my style. It has been a great system. I have loads of dapper clothes. Most of them are on the dressy side of casual—ties and bow ties, cardigans and sweater vests, mostly worn with jeans or cords. And if the sleeves of my new shirts are a bit long, I just roll them up and it adds a jaunty flair. But this time I was looking for things that fit well: a vest that didn’t make me look like a box and a shirt with the proper neck size for a tie, a good fit across the (most likely bound but still rather bountiful) chest, and sleeves that I didn’t have to roll up. I was looking for a pink shirt. And then I was looking for any shirt.

Nearing apoplexy, desperate to find something that fit, I reverted to old habits. With my jaw set, I walked into the women’s section and started looking through racks of shirts. Blouses. As I looked around, a familiar queasiness came over me. My guts twisted with anxiety and despair. I was trapped in that horrible place of having to choose between what I wanted to wear and what the stores, and by extension the world, was showing me I was expected to wear. Foreseeing the inevitable compromise had me in tears several times, railing against a society that makes it very difficult to be different, and hating the shame I was feeling for not fitting into anyone’s little box.

Unwilling to buckle, I went back to the men’s formal section at Le Château for a third time, this time with my girlfriend. They had vests. I had tried many of them previously and not been happy with the colours or the fit, but I hoped that, with this visit, something might have changed. (Isn’t that the definition of crazy?) Magically, there appeared a brown vest. (My girlfriend makes magic things happen. I swear it hadn’t been there the last two visits.) I tried it on. Same old sizing problem. As I stood in front of the mirror, my girlfriend helpfully pinching the sides and saying she might be able to take it in, the sales clerk piped up, “There’s a great tailor across the street. We send people to him all the time. Here’s a coupon.”

A tailor. Had I learned nothing since joining this sartorial community? How many articles have I read praising the work of the tailor, touting them as the dapperQ’s best friend?

I bought the vest and brought it to the tailor. I was nervous. What if he didn’t get me? What if he took this Italian vest that I had just purchased and made it look feminine? I put the vest on for him and stood in front of the 3-way mirror. “It’s too big,” he said. And then with a few deft moves and 6 straight pins, he created the perfect silhouette. “There,” he said. “That looks better.” Gratitude swept over me. I left it with him feeling mostly confident that it would turn out the way I wanted.

The next day I found a Calvin Kline basic white dress shirt that fit in the neck without being too small in the chest or hips. I took it to the tailor, too. Again, with a few moves, he mocked up the alterations he would make: shorten the sleeves, take a bunch off the bottom. “There’s too much material back here,” he said, puffing it out. This alteration I was worried about. I had visions of darts at the breasts turning my shirt into the dreaded blouse. When I expressed this concern he said, “No, no. There are two pleats at the back. I will just make them into seams all the way down. Don’t worry. I love you.” Then he squeezed my hand and kissed it. I blushed. Partly because of the attention and partly out of concern that perhaps he was confused and didn’t get me after all. I decided not to worry about it.

A couple of days later I went back to pick up the altered clothes. I stepped into the change room and tried them on. Tears prickled my eyes. They were perfect. I have never had a shirt fit so well. And the vest! All the work was invisible, done inside the lining.

When I walked out of the change room so the tailor could inspect his work I could tell he was pleased. He said, “You look like that one on T.V. The talk, talk, talk… Ellen! You look like Ellen!” He really did get it. I was so happy I kissed him. Kissed his hand as he had kissed mine. We were forming a very interesting relationship.

In the end, the only things purchased from the women’s section were for my teeny-tiny feet: the vegan shoes and a perfect pair of pink argyle socks that my girlfriend found.

In hindsight, I realize how ludicrous it was for me to think I could buy the perfect thing off the rack. I am hardly an off-the-rack kind of person. The whole ordeal proved to be a very emotional learning experience. I had thought myself a fully-formed and confident dapperQ; a dandy butch transforming the world simply by dressing the way I do. How easily and profoundly that was shaken when I was unable to access the clothing I wanted. It might seem frivolous to some, yet I know I am not alone in my feelings of disphoria. It goes to prove just how important presentation is, how deeply my sense of self is entwined with how I am perceived by others.

Now that I have a tailor and understand what an ally he is, I should never feel at a loss like that again. And you don’t have to either. Find yourself a tailor and be prepared to communicate with them. If you think they’re not understanding what you want, or insist on any kind of darts around your chest, you may need to find someone else. Just like finding the right therapist, or, you know, partner, you need to find someone who gets you.

Last weekend I put my newfound knowledge into practice. I was out of town and needed to quickly purchase a dress shirt to go with a suit vest and trousers. This time there was no panic. I went straight to a men’s formal wear shop and found a shirt that fit closely at the neck but had ample room for my curves in the body. I asked if they did their own alterations. They did. I told them I needed the sleeves shortened and asked if they would be comfortable doing some other alterations. A worried expression clouded the clerk’s face as I started to explain what I was looking for. “I don’t want you to hate us if we get it wrong,” she said. “No worries,” I answered. “Just do the sleeves. I’ll take it to my guy when I get home. He gets it.”

Tania and I were able to chat about queer fashion on this side of the coast and why its important to represent in Gloss Angeles.

What inspired the fashion show and the talks surrounding it?

The UCLA “Queer Fashion” Conference organized by the LGBT Studies program is the first West Coast queer fashion conference to date – they had their ear to the ground! My fashion show, Queerture: Queer + Couture was inspired by the runway showcase I produced last year, INVINCIBLE: Back from the Ruins held at the Butch Voices L.A. conference. The beat on the streets today is designing and showcasing tailored clothing for our LGBTQ people and communities. While this has been going on since the dawn of time, we have more of a platform, shared talent, and resources now to spread the message far.

If you were speaking to someone who wasn’t from here how would you describe the queer/queer fashion scene in L.A? How do you think L.A culture influences queer fashion here or other cities?

I’m not from L.A., I split my time between the Mohave Desert/Joshua Tree and the San Francisco Bay Area. My fashion curatorial work happens in whichever city someone invites me to put on a show …

Certainly in Los Angeles the movie industry has a big influence on how people dress in public. It’s an expensive city with high stakes. Then there are subcultures: the punk music industry’s legacy on queer street culture, a vocal Chicano/a community, indie film pioneers who live in and travel through the city, all the queer/LGBT artists in industry, and all the university popoulations. So, the scene is not all “L-Word” lesbians – that’s just what gets on television or mainstream film. …. it’s really not my city but these are some ideas.

In general, LGBTQIA etc. style/fashion in every geography is a combination of factors. Some include: LGBTQ subcultural values about history, politics and community! Does a town care about politics of visibility, is there snobbery about the freaks, the flamboyant dressers, the gender-benders, or acceptance, etc.?! Then economic conditions and how rigid/binary gender is communicated and/or enforced. Are people getting beat up or not getting jobs based on their appearance? It happens all the time … And then the practical stuff: weather, transportation habits (ca, walking, bike, bus, metro, or horse), property values, retail stores, and how often one consumes versus borrows, hand-me-downs, or makes oneself. In big cities, there’s a definite and clear split between what’s considered urban and hip versus “the rural” or “suburban” look. It’s how people organize themselves as populations get big.

As the beginning of any decade, it’s hard to say what will happen in the 2010’s but you can be sure, fashion/clothing-wise, 2020 will look a lot different. The Occupy Wall Street movement is already a testimony to that.

How would you describe your personal style? When would you say your style evolved to what it is now?

I’m a casual, snappy dresser who likes the sea, fire, mountains and art galleries – so I dress for that at all times! I am also political, masculine, and mixed-race, so I’ve never really found images of myself in magazines etc. Growing up, I’ve relied instead on comfort, colors and some flair. I’m not the butch who reads GQ or Vogue or even scans LGBTQ magazines for what’s hot or “successful,” fashion-wise. Instead, my inspirations come from the visual and performance art – queer and non-queer. I have also lived in Europe as a young person and am of Lebanese decent, so I’ve seen many handsome dapper male dressers in my life, influenced by the Middle East. I am not afraid to use ornamentation to express my masculinity, and I respect the hard work that goes into garment construction and design …

Is there a style or a particular influence that you see trending in fashion or wish were?

In LGBTQ communities I haven’t seen the trend of t-shirts and skinny jeans change too much recently, but a men’s suit buyer I know says the 80’s are coming back in, so get ready for polka dots!

Really what I see going on are designers and entrepeneurs doing one of a few things: some are focusing on masculinity – for trans guys and butches: which means bow ties, tailored suits or jackets, and trans-male boxers (so the goods don’t fall out). On the other hand, there remain those designers who incorporate pride sayings or messages into silkscreen t-shirts, bags, etc. but are doing so with more confidence or interests in creating business models that will bring an income. With Etsy, Twitter, Facebook, etc., so much more is possible. Finally, there are a number of uber-talented senior designers I know who slave for established mainstream brand name designers, because it’s still incredibly difficult to “make it” at all in fashion …

I feel like we’re almost there but it won’t come unless there is a serious restructuring of the Western economy and a move towards Green Fashion Production… But perhaps in the next 20-30 years we’re going to be buying affordable, HOT clothes that fit our multiply-sized, raced, and gendered bodies which emphasize our sexiness and creativity, made by our out, favorite designers. That’s quite exciting if you ask me! I am a big fan of senior femme diva designer Parisa Parnian, who is actually a menswear designer.

Are there classic looks that you feel everyone should have in their closet?

I can only answer for the fellas out there. A good pair of jeans, clean t-shirt and socks, boxers and brown or black shoes OR boots are the basics. For me, black on black on black is my second basic essential color scheme and “look” – these colors hide contours and dirt & work for every occasion. From there, dress your personality! Have some fun! One good suit jacket seems a must-have. Smelling sweet for your lady for gent is a big plus, some organic hair product, white tank tops. I tend to go for what I imagine what Antonio Gaudi would wear to work on an Autumn day in Barcelona … we must fantasize to dream up our greatest images of ourselves!

Name one thing that you’ve seen in queer fashion that you wish would just go away.

Ha ha. Well, Dapper Q, actually I wish The Fashion Police would go away. It’s one thing to have a style consultant (someone who loves clothes and knows about structure, color, and shape) in your life, but another thing to have someone judging you! We don’t need to replicate the snobbery of the mainstream world in our own communities. Instead, it would behoove us to share information, aesthetic ideals, and foster environments where LGBTQ’s might feel good about their bodies and looks, instead of ashamed bc they are not measuring up to what other’s think is cool, attractive, or fashion-conscious.

I suspect you might have wanted me to quip like my gay style super-hero Quentin Crisp so I quote him now: “Fashion is what you adopt when you don’t know who you are.” Style is where it’s at … style comes from inside us, it’s about positive relationships with our friends and communities. Style is something unique to each one of us, apart from the hierarchy of “fashion.” Style is how we rock it, and that we rock it.

All photos by Candice.