Save The Tires, Burn The Skechers

Skechers need to burn, and they need to burn now. If you don’t have acid, then fire will have to do. But for the sake of all that is right in this world, burn the suckers.  Better yet, let’s have a bonfire. A huge bonfire. (Don’t bring any tires- save those. We’ll need them for later.) We will invite the world via sky writing. We can all put our religopoliticosexistpepsico differences aside, lay down our arms, and join together in the wholeness of spirit that comes from a collective act of pure love. That love will create a fire. And that fire will burn all of the world’s Skechers. And we will rejoice. As it was once prophesied in the Book of Wisdom, “A golden era will again fall upon this wretched earth once the evil Sneaker hath been reconciled.” That time has come.

Burn These.

OK, but seriously, these shoes need to go. There’s no reason anyone needs to be wearing them. They are made using unfair labor laws, the sneaker version blatantly rips off LA Lights (withOUT the lights), and they have those weird ridges at the bottom of the soles that look like lasagna noodles.  Plus, their “dress shoes” suck. I once bought these for my job shining lenses at the Sunglass Hut, and they killed my feet after about 2 hours.  Not cool.

And now with this new ShapeUps business, I don’t even know what to do.  Skechers are everywhere, and the amorphous blob of fashion death just seems to be growing. So it’s time for our own movement. Join with me, won’t you, and click below to show your support of cool shoes that are made using fair labor practices?

Burn the Skechers!

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Wear These.

Try EcoSneaks instead for a comfortable, styling shoe that is made of hemp, repurposed tires (see! this is why we didn’t burn them), and a bunch of other vegan stuff.

These bad boys will get you through a work day, and night time play, no problem. I barely took mine off once last year.  A hint: if you do make the EcoSneak plunge, be sure to snag a different  pair of laces at the nearest shoe store. The ones they give you just won’t stay tied (must be because they’re not made with tiger saliva, like Skechers*).

Sneak Freak Out.

*This is not actually true. But everything else in this post is factual.

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5 Comments

  • This article is hilarious, and dead on. But argh, the sizing on the Ecosneaks bites! The smallest they can give us is a men’s 7?! What does a dapper stud have to do get some size 6 butch shoes that aren’t skeezy LA Lights ripoffs? At this point they’re just taunting me with their sexy suede uppers and thin neon piping. There’s no way those things are fitting on my small (but scrappy) feet.

  • Sorry, I’m channeling a lifetime of shopping frustration here. But thanks, DapperQ for the chance to vent.

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