Ask StrapperQ: Dating + Sex + Relationship Advice with Robin Cloud

Dear StrapperQ,

So this past weekend, my friends and I went out and got seriously drunk.  So drunk that I cant remember what happened that night, the following day I found out that I made out with my friend’s ex sex partner, whom she passionately hates now. This friend was not at the party and as I mentioned I don’t really remember what happened so I’m not sure if I should tell her or not.  Truth is I honestly want to tell her but the friends I was with at the party say i should not, because she’ll disown everyone but I just cant live with myself, I really feel the need to tell her. Please help, should I or shouldn’t I?

-Conflicted Black Out


Dear Conflicted Black Out,

Let’s try to deal with one issue at a time. First things first, you went out and drank yourself into a black out. A black out  is defined as the following,  “a phenomenon caused by the intake of an alcoholic beverage or other substance in which long term memory creation is impaired or there is a complete inability to recall the past.” Congrats you gave yourself temporary amnesia. I would strongly suggest that you take a deeper look at your drinking habits. Is this a one time event or a regular occurrence?  If you have regular black outs you might want to consider cutting back. If you find that when you go out you cannot control your drinking, then perhaps it is time to look into getting support through Alcoholics Anonymous. So there’s that.

Unfortunately, getting drunk and making poor decisions go hand in hand; one tends to forget about boundaries and loyalties. But you are not a criminal and you haven’t really done anything wrong. The ex is an ex and not your friends current girlfriend so it’s not like she cheated on her. If it was just a make out session and meant nothing to you then you are left with two choices. Forget about it and move on or tell your friend that it meant nothing to you but you wanted her to hear it from you rather than the long and tangled lesbian grapevine.  I would recommend telling your friend the truth and explaining to her just how little the moment meant. I guarantee she will be pissed and possibly hurt by the whole thing but she should be able to work through it and eventually move past it.

If you don’t tell her she WILL find out eventually and will come rushing to you for an explanation as to why you weren’t honest. Honesty upfront gives your friendship depth and possibility. Follow your instincts and in those words of Spike Lee, “Do the Right Thing.”

Good luck!


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