Thoughts on Commitment and Community

As many of you know, Susan is acting as part of‘s Expert Advice series.  We’ll be cross-posting the articles she writes here, as motivation for extending the dapperQ voice to wedding fashion.  In this interview, Susan ruminates on wedding planning, marriage equality, and other very dapperQ subjects.


The day that one of biggest fans introduced us to Susan Herr of dapperQ was a fine day indeed. Susan, transgressing founder of the new site,, has impressed us with her energy, enthusiasm, dynamism, and commitment to serve an underserved group within our LGBT community.

In fact, the work she is doing now reminds us a lot of the work our company founder, straight mom Gretchen Hamm, did when she first got started on our business back in 1999. Translation: a lot of hard, unrecognized work and a lot of knocking on doors and helping vendors to see the invisible market in front of them begging for products and services.

We were so impressed with Susan, we invited her to become our style expert for our new Expert Advice series. Hopefully, you’ve read her first two columns and will bookmark her feed and come back for more!

Meanwhile, we asked Susan a few questions about her thoughts on same sex marriage and here’s what she had to say:

Q: What has most inspired your passion for helping same-sex couples who wish to tie the knot?

Once I realized I was a lesbian, in my early 20’s, I gave up the dream of a wedding. As a result, I was often angered by brides-to-be who wanted to talk ad nausea about their pending nuptials. My wedding day was profoundly healing — expanding my sense of possibility as a gay woman. I love being part of a support network that enables others to confidently walk through their ceremony and in to deeper levels of commitment and community.

Q: What is the most valuable planning advice you can offer?

Set your intention to devote significant time to the planning process during the year leading up to your wedding. Resist the urge to let one of you take more responsibility – if you can’t be 50/50 in planning your wedding, where can you be?

Q: What is the single biggest challenge to gays and lesbians attaining marriage equality?

I don’t think we will achieve marriage equality until the vast majority of us deeply believe that gay marriage is a right, communicate the assurance of our convictions to those who know and love us and actively engage them as allies in our cause.

Q: What strengths and/or improvement are we bringing to the institution of marriage?

Gay married couples are role models whether we like it or not.  Because we are being watched more closely that heterosexuals, we are often more thoughtful about the impressions we make moving through the world. I believe the cumulative effect of our attention — to the big and small details — is bound to be good.

Q: What do you think makes a same sex wedding different from a straight wedding?

No matter how traditional our approach, we are nontraditional. As a result, we have the opportunity to be much more creative about the ways we reject, embrace or enhance tradition. Nothing about our wedding need be staid, boring, or rote. Those who attend expect more and if we put it in the effort, there’s no reason we can’t deliver.

You see what we mean? She’s amazing!

Keep track of Susan’s fantastic advice and groundbreaking work via dapperQ or via her column dapperQ’s Guide to Wedding Fashion.

As originally published on

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