May’s He Said/We Said (VIDEO)

I admit it.  I’m wildly smitten by the courage and authenticity I see in the lives of genderbenders like the folk transgressing men’s fashion for this installment of He Said/We Said.  It’s not like I “want” them — not that kinda smitten.  But this attraction is notable because I spent the first 40+ years of my life hating on butchie types.  I knew it was internalized butchphobia but I didn’t care.  My mom didn’t approve and I didn’t either.

But check these folk!  Oprah needs to come out of semi-retirement to hear what Ariel Speedwagon has to say.   God bless Shomi Noise for patiently explaining to someone who didn’t major in women’s studies how in the heck she came to see herself as a drag queen.  Check Best Bites radiantly describing what has changed in the four years since they wore skirts regularly and Goldie Peacock who won’t be denied any kind of power because of chromosomal make-up. Then there is Mr. Sexsmith (who was captured below in what I think is the best butch photo of all time) who has been documenting the power of dapperQ for years.)

This is the Internet age so all you get are smidgets of these conversations, orchestrated in very limited spare time by Anita Dolce Vita and blended with the glorious photography of Yi-Ching Lin who also volunteered her time.  But this magical footage is adding up. (Forget about Brooklyn Bois who had your old pal dapperQ tearing up when I interviewed them for the upcoming Pride Installment brilliantly shot by Maro Hagopian.)  Opportunities to share this magic with the world are being vigorously explored.  If you are in love with dapperQ’s, pass this video along.  And keep walking tall.

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  • I had a dream last night about dressing in a fabulous ‘couture’ dress that looked a lot like an Indian sari and getting all kinds of positive, affirming support around my ‘appropriate’ feminine presentation. In the dream, I was thinking “well, maybe this is okay. I could just do this occasionally and people would know I’m attractive.”

    I woke up and laid there (in my boxers) thinking about the dream. I think it just means that sometimes I just want to ‘fit’ in. But when I do the things it takes to fit in, I lose myself in the process. I look into the mirror and I don’t recognize myself.

    So ultimately I always ask myself the same question: “Whose life are you living?” The answer is always the same: “Mine.”

    So then I got up out of bed and put my big boy pants on one leg at a time and went out to embrace the day.

  • “But this attraction is notable because I spent the first 40+ years of my life hating on butchie types.” I really like that you state this! I’d love to hear more about what changed if you get the time and feel it’s appropriate to share. Being different from my own experience, I find it quite intriguing and would like to hear about the challenges of changing your outlook, self-image later in adulthood. Hope to find it covered some time in the future.

  • I’m spending so much time curating this content that I never have any time to write anymore! But that is changing, Cara, and I welcome the encouragement!

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